My partner and I have started talking more seriously about when we plan on having children (probably in the next 5 years/before she turns 30). That’s something I find difficult to think about, since I’ve always wanted to have children but have struggled with the pros and cons of the different ways that could happen for me. Ideally my partner and I could conceive just like any other heterosexual couple. I often forget that some couples can just accidentally get pregnant or decide to conceive on a whim and it’s painful to view our situation in light of that. We’ve discussed adoption, her carrying a child via a sperm donor, me getting my eggs extracted and her carrying the baby, and even (briefly) me getting pregnant and carrying the child myself. None of these let us have a child that is genetically related to both of us, but that’s just unfortunately an impossibility that I don’t see changing anytime soon.
Anyway, I’ve come to the conclusion that I probably need to get a hysterectomy somewhat soon. Before I do that, though, my partner and I need to figure out how we are going to have children and I need to either use my eggs or come to peace with the decision to undergo surgery that will render me permanently infertile. I’ve gone back and forth on this, examining it from a lot of different angles and I think I might want to look into getting my eggs extracted. I’ve been on testosterone for 2 years and have heard conflicting things about what that means for my fertility and potential for egg extraction. My doctor, however, seems to think that because I’m otherwise healthy and in my 20s that I should still have some good eggs left if I were to go off of testosterone. As seriously unpleasant as the whole process sounds (going off of T for 3-4 months, taking weird hormones, having surgery to extract eggs), and seriously expensive it would be, this is really appealing to me. I don’t know why it is important for me to have biological kids, but it is. I know it might not still be possible/feasible, but it’s something I would really like to at least try for. It also seems to be a really balanced and feel-good solution for us, since I would have a biological connection with the baby and my partner would have the powerful connection of growing the baby inside of her/being the birthmother.
One of the frustrating things I’ve encountered, though, is the lack of information out there for people in my predicament. There’s not a whole lot of information out there in general about transgender parents, even less about people who want to get their eggs extracted after having been on testosterone. Although I probably wouldn’t plan on doing this for another 3 years or so (assuming it would take a year to get to the actual conception part and we want to be parents in the next 5 years), I don’t even know where I’d start or if it would even be feasible. Like, I’m legally male, would that mess things up? Would a doctor even entertain the idea of extracting my eggs because of I’ve been on testosterone, and how would I be treated by the medical establishment in this setting considering I’m very clearly male? Anyway, I wish that I could read about someone’s experience going through egg extraction post-testosterone or even someone’s experience as a trans man raising children conceived through sperm donation (without using his eggs, since that’s probably what we’d do if I couldn’t get my eggs extracted). I only know of one or two blogs by trans dads, I really wish there were more out there.